Monday, July 23, 2012


Martha, the boy cat here. It has been a very interesting week. We had company. Gramma was all excited and said that her girls were coming. I had no idea of the excitement that was about to descend upon us!

Gramma got up early and did not take time to play with me. I thought that was odd. She always likes to go out to the gardens in the morning. She lets me go along and she pulls some weeds and picks some fruit and vegetables. She likes to start sprinklers, too.

Sprinklers are fun. I am not afraid of water. Oscar says it would be useless to have a fear of water in Gramma's world. She insists on bathing all of us. Oscar told me that he tried growling and biting at Gramma. She was not impressed by his show of force and reminded him that she was not afraid to bite him back. He said that this was very true. She did bite him. Wall-E says the same thing happened to him. She only bit them once and they never bit her again. I hope she doesn't bite me .......

But, back to the gardens. Gramma lets me ride to different gardens with her on the golf cart. She will let me play while she takes a look at the plants and places the sprinklers just so. Sometimes she will yank a couple of weeds out of the ground. I have heard her say that it doesn't count unless you get the root. She counts them. I hear her count to ten, then she will turn the water on. Gramma says that if she pulls ten weeds out of each garden every day that she should be able to get ahead of those weeds soon. It doesn't look like she is winning if you ask me.

So this morning last week, she fed me and gave me fresh water, then told me to stay out of her way. That was rude, don't you think? She stayed in the kitchen and cooked all morning. She mopped the floors and changed my litter box and all the while she was watching the clock on the wall. Papa was in and out and would ask if she had talked to someone she called Jeffrey. She told him that the plane had landed.

I was so confused. What is a plane, what is landed and who is this Jeffrey? I tried climbing up Gramma's leg with my claws. It is a new trick I recently learned to do in a tree. She did not seem to appreciate my new ability. She called it shenanigans. I thought it was climbing. Maybe it is called something different when you do it on a person's leg. I felt kind of bad, cause I made blood come onto her skin. Oscar and Wall-E licked it off. I thought it was very kind of them to tend to Gramma's owies, but she kept saying, "Stop licking me!" to them. I just can't figure this woman out.

She went outside and said she was going to set the sprinklers. I thought it must be time for our morning play, but she used her foot to push me back into the store! Rude!

All of a sudden there were people in the store! Big people and little people and Gramma was hugging all of them. Little voices were calling out to Gramma. The dogs were barking and then Papa joined in and the hugs continued. Finally Gramma noticed me and introduced me to all these people. Jeffrey is Gramma's son. Diane is Jeff's wife and Gramma Barb is Diane's mother. Got all that? Cause I was confused. Then there were three little girls. Maya is the oldest. She was more interested in Wall-E than me, if you can believe that. Poor girl is lacking in taste, Wall-E was all nice to her and told her he was not fond of me either.

Jada is next. Jada likes to dance. She was going to a competition. She liked me okay, but she was busy with other things. She was petting the dogs, too.

This is Zara. She is crazy about me. My kind of girl. She could not keep her hands off me. She held me and played with me the whole entire day. I lingered under the dinner table while they ate and got some very interesting crumbs. I think I like this whole company thing.

I am still not sure who is who. I just focused on the ones who wanted to partake of my charm. I think that maybe Zara and I bonded. Oscar tells me that there are cats at Zara's house. Big cats. Bigger than me. I am not afraid of these big cats. I am very strong and can climb.

Wall-E says that he would enjoy seeing me put in my place by these big cats. He admitted that he was scared of them. Oscar says that Wall-E should be nicer to me, since I have claws. Oscar is not afraid of anything, well, except Gramma. Must have something to do with her biting him. I am not afraid of Gramma. Okay, maybe just a little. She does feed me, you know.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Hunting Hands and The Name Game

Gramma likes her gardens. She lets me come outside with her and play. I like to hide and watch her hand as she pulls the things she calls weeds out.

I stay very still and hold my breath ......... then when she least expects it, I jump up and pounce on her hand!

It is great fun. Well, I thought so, anyway. Gramma says that I am trampling her flowers and she will not tolerate it. Flowers, weeds, they all look the same to me. Papa agrees with me, but said I should not tell Gramma that. Gramma tells me to stop with the trampling, then she says that I should consider myself warned ........ then she tosses me out of her garden with a handful of weeds. Papa says she is being cruel to me, but she reminds him that my mom cat would do the same thing to teach me things and that he should just be grateful that she does not bite me back when I bite her.

I thought about that. Her teeth are bigger than mine .......... and while it is true that mine are very sharp and hers are not, I don't think I want her to bite me! Her jaws are a lot bigger than mine and it would hurt. I try very hard not to bite Gramma. I just bite Papa. He puts his hand over my face and tells me "NO". Pretty painless

As I hid in Gramma's garden, the one with those tall plants that she calls "tiger lilies", I happened to see this big cat. Gramma told me that tigers were cats, and that she found it ironic that I chose to hide in the tiger lilies, so I wondered if this was a tiger. This cat, that I think may be a tiger, is the same color of the flowers that bloom at the top of theses tiger lily stalks.

I watch this cat that just might be a tiger. He looks familiar to me, this big cat. I almost fall asleep hiding in the tiger lilies and thinking very hard about this big cat. I know I have seen him somewhere. I close my eyes and concentrate. I remember being in the woods when I was very small. I remember the smell of the trees and the dirt and my mom cat. I would lay close to her as she fed me and licked me and purred.

I would listen to my mom cat talking to another cat while I would be falling asleep next to her. I think it might have been this cat, that might be a tiger. My eyes were not open long before I came to live with Gramma, but I think I have seen this tiger cat before!

I called out to him and he turned to look at me. It is him!! "Wait, wait!" I called. "Don't you remember me?" "My name is Martha." "You know my mom cat! Have you seen her, does she miss me?" He looked at me and then he saw Gramma and he walked away.

I was very sad. I heard Gramma call out to him, too. She said his name was Tigger and that she had some food for him. But he ran back into the woods. I guess he must not be hungry.

Gramma called me and I came out from under a plant she calls a hosta. I can hide really good under that plant!

Gramma asked me if I had seen the cat she calls Tigger. She told me that he was my step-father. I must have looked confused, because she told me that my real father was a gray tabby, that showed up one day to see my mom cat. She said that this gray tabby had gotten into a fight with Tigger and claimed my mom cat as his wife. She said my mom cat's name was Pooh.

At first I thought she said "poop". I was thinking that Gramma was not very nice, naming my mom cat that, but then she said it again. She said that Tigger and Pooh were the names of cartoon characters and that she liked the names. I have just one question ....... does Gramma name everything? 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall

It is me, Martha, here at the kampground. Gramma left this big sofa in the store. Everyone seems to like it. People come in and sit on it and talk to Gramma. I like to sit on the back of it. I can see Gramma and I can look outside to see what is going on.

The couch is right in front of the window. Not long ago I made an amazing discovery. I can drop from the back of the couch onto the window sill and hide!

I can jump up and grab Papa's hand while he is talking. He doesn't even know I am there! It is almost like being invisible.

This is a fun game! Papa likes it, too. Not everybody likes it, though. Some folks are just not all that fond of cats! One of Gramma's friends says I am cute, but that she prefers dogs. DOGS! Dogs bark and make all kinds of noise. Gramma is constantly telling Wall-E to stop barking.

I promised Gramma to be on my best behavior when people come in the store, but sometimes I just can't help myself. Little children set my nerves on edge. They like to pick me up and squeal really loud in my ears. I scratch them and bite them. Gramma scolds me, but she never punishes me. She tells me to hide when I hear little children come in. Gramma knows a lot of things. Wall-E told me so.

Gramma says that I am pretty smart for a cat. Oscar says that sometimes Gramma will tell us things just to make us feel good. I think he doesn't like it when Gramma stays in the store with me. He is almost as jealous as Wall-E.

I like to grab things that are dangling out of my reach. Gramma told me that if was as smart as she told me I was, I would leave electrical cords alone.
Why? I don't know. It was just hanging there with those gold shiny things and I thought I should grab it. Gramma keeps telling me to entertain myself while she works ......

 and that is exactly what I am doing.

I am getting very big, Gramma said so. She also said that I will be a very handsome cat. Oscar did not like this. He says that he is the boss of all the animals in our house and that he is the most handsome one of all. He says that Gramma says it all the time, she calls him her handsome devil.

Maybe he should look in a mirror. I did. At first I thought that Gramma had brought that other kitten back. The one that she said was my brother, that looked just like me. I did not care for him. He was a scaredy cat!! He was afraid of me. He would hide from Gramma. How dumb can you get ...... she is the one who gives us food!

Back to the mirror. It did not take me long to realize that the image I was looking at was me. Gramma did tell me, and she was holding me and I saw her in the mirror, too. I had lots of clues, but, still, I did figure it out pretty fast. Gramma looked at the mirror and said "mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most handsome cat of all?"  Martha is!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

One Smart Kitten

Gramma says that I am growing. I still feel small. All the dogs are bigger than me. Gramma and Papa are bigger than me and all the people coming in to the store are bigger than me. Come to think of it, I have yet to meet anyone smaller than me!

I like to ride with Gramma on the golf cart. It doesn't make that awful sound like that great big machine that scooped me off the ground and then dumped me. Gramma says that is engine noise and that it is good for me to have a good healthy fear of them.

Healthy? I almost died!

I never try to jump when the golf cart is moving. That is why Gramma lets me ride with her. Gramma loads all kinds of stuff on it and we go and water gardens in the morning. She won't let me go to the ones near the woods with her, she says I might get ticks on me. Toni Louise told me that Gramma is afraid I will run into the woods and she will lose me. Oscar told me that Toni Louise is an escape artist. I am not sure what that means or what it has to do with anything.

I guess she paints. Gramma is always painting something, signs mostly. How would you paint an escape?

This is one of the signs Gramma painted. Papa had made a sign, but it was small and black with letters carved in it. Gramma explained to Papa that she wanted to draw attention to the sign so that people would read it and not go driving into our yard. Papa said that he thought it should be tasteful and discreet. Gramma pointed out that the tasteful and discreet sign was not getting the job done. Gramma won.

Gramma shouldn't worry about me going into the woods. I don't like to go too far and not be able to see Gramma. Sometimes I lose her in our yard, like when I am running through her basil. I stop and meow real loud and Gramma will answer me. She will say, "Martha, I am over here." I run to her and try to bite her toes, but she sprays me with water.

I like to pretend that I am a tiger in the jungle. Gramma has been letting me play outside all by myself lately. Papa gets all upset about that and says that a car will run over me. Gramma told him that I was smart kitten and that I was afraid of engine noises and would run back to the porch and meow at the door until she let me in.

Oh, I get it! That is why she called my fear of engines healthy! She is right, I am a very smart kitten.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Jail House Blues

 If you recall, I spoke about the canines in my world. Canine means dog, feline means cat. Gramma told me so. I have so much to learn! The canine in the picture is Wall-E. Gramma calls him Wall-E, the wonder dog. According to Gramma, Wall-E is very smart and sensitive. I don't see it, though.

He does not seem to like me at all. Everytime he is near me, he turns his back to me. Not very polite or sensitive, if you ask me. Not smart, either. With his back to me, he does not see when I am about to attack!

He barks at me whenever I sneak past Gramma legs and into the house. Gramma has spoken to him about his annoying bark (her words), but he will not stop until she picks me up and takes me back to her office.

Toni Louise, on the other hand, enjoys my company. Gramma says that Toni Louise is dumb as a door. I don't know about that. She seems pretty smart to me. We like to wrestle around on the floor and she will nip me good if I get too rough. She likes to lick my face clean. I like her fur, it reminds me of my mom cat. Toni will let me snuggle against her neck, too.

Oscar likes to play with me, but only in small doses. He will play for awhile, then growl to let me know we are done. If I try to play more or snuggle with him he will put my whole head in his mouth and take me to the door of Gramma's office and deposit me there. I don't mind his method of moving me so much as I mind his breath! It is really bad! Gramma even notices it when she picks me up.

She will say, "Oh, Martha, has Oscar been licking you?" Licking me? Is she paying attention? She has explained to me that Oscar is an old guy and that old guys have nasty breath. Maybe he should have some dental work done.

My breath is sweet and clean. Gramma says so, she also says I have very sharp teeth. Those sharp teeth get me in trouble, too. I like to sink my teeth into Gramma's heels. I don't advise doing this. She will scoop you up before you know and put you in the kennel! And lock the door!

The kennel used to be my safe place. Gramma had soft towels and toys in it for me, but one day I bit her hand pretty hard and she took all the nice stuff out of my kennel and made me stay in it for a very long time. I fell asleep. When I heard her open my door, I refused to come out. She got down low and stuck her face in the door and asked me if I had thought about what I had done. (No, I didn't, I slept.). When I would not come out, she told me to have it my way, but that I would be spending lots of time in jail if I did not change my ways. I did not believe her.

Maybe I should have listened, because I was back in the kennel that very same day! A little girl tried to pick me up, so I grabbed her arm with my claws and bit her. Gramma thumped me on my head and put me in my kennel. I did not sleep this time. This time I climbed on the door and made strangled mewling sounds. Papa came in and scolded Gramma for leaving in the kennel and let me loose. He told Gramma that she was being cruel. She told him to talk to her after I bit him. He said that I was "just a tiny kitten" and "how bad can it hurt?".

So, I bit him. I guess it must have hurt pretty bad, cause he dumped me in jail again. Since then I have come to know every inch of my prison. Not only that, I hear Wall-E whispering about me. He says that the kennel belongs to him. He says that his boy gave it to him and that Gramma should never have let me use it. Until now. He likes the fact that I am being punished in it and says that he is happy to provide the use of his kennel for that very purpose. I do not think we will ever be friends, do you?