Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Cats Rule, Dogs Drool

Dear Maya,
So much has happened since we last communicated. Well, I communicated with you.

The giant puppy continues to leave a path of destruction in his wake. He still terrorizes the other dogs. But, now Gramma has taken a sudden liking to the gangly puppy. She let's him come inside! She let's him sit beside her on the couch!

Cujo is quite miffed at this turn of events. He is not a fan of the puppy to begin with, but sharing the affections of his human was definitely not on his list of things to do. So far, Gramma has managed to teach the puppy to sit and shake hands. Sort of, at least. He will sit, but when it comes to the handshake, he falls to one side before offering his paw. He looks really dumb when this happens. But, Gramma says it is endearing.

I am starting to wonder about Gramma's mental health. She has a birthday coming up and I hear she is quite old. Well, you know how old people are, they start to forget things and such. Although ..... she never seems to forget to put me outside every night and to fill my food dish. While it is true that I am an avid hunter, I still prefer my kibble.

Gramma has been known to complain about the cost of my food, saying I should eat what I kill. I have never heard her complain about the cost of dog food! She buys some tasty kibble for me, it is true, and I do enjoy eating while she scratches my head affectionately. But, she buys three kinds of this dog food! And dog treats! Where is my treat, I ask you? Never you mind that I confess to stealing from the dogs bowl. And I have indulged myself with a stolen dog treat or two.

So, have your sisters resigned themselves to a puppy free household? Gramma had very few pets when she was growing up. She told me that her mother would not allow cats! She had a cat from time to time that was given to her, but they were banned to the out of doors, never to know the comforts of indoors. A soft bed to cuddle with your human is quite soothing after a long night of hunting.

Gramma seems to have made up for her lack of pets since she is all grown up and has her own household, if the number of pets now residing here is any indication.

I hope your are enjoying your felines and that all of you will come soon for a visit. I remember you girls from previous visits when I was just a small kitten. Gramma says you girls have grown quite a bit since I last saw you.

Sincerely, Martha, The Boy Cat

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Who Needs Puppies?

Hi, Maya,

Martha, The Boy Cat here. I have not written a post in such a long time, I fear I may have forgotten how. Wall-E is the writer around here. Let me assure you, he never misses a chance to remind us all of the fact that he wrote a book.

I can spin a tale or two myself, though. Last week I heard Gramma telling Miss Martha (whose name I share) about a call from your sisters. As I recall, they wanted Gramma to convince your mom to let them have a puppy. Gramma seemed to think they were adorable, but admitted to Miss Martha that she would never interfere with the decisions of the parents of her grandchildren.

After much thought, I decided to write a letter to you, since you would appear to be the most sensible of the three sisters. After all you did not participate in the shenanigans of your two younger siblings. Gramma tells me that yours is a cat household. This sounds like a very good idea to me. I am the lone feline here. I will admit, though, that being the only one has it's advantages.

So, I decided to present to you an argument for NOT getting the aforementioned puppy. Have you any idea how bothersome they can be? I have heard all about puppy breath and dreamy eyes, but do they bother to tell you how much a puppy can poop? Not to mention the puddles on the floor.

Of course when they are sleeping, everything is great. Their sweet limp bodies draped over whatever they fell asleep on. But, about the time that sweet puppy breath is history, they start jumping on everyone and their claws dig into your skin. If that isn't bad enough, they start to chew on everything. Shoes seem to be the favorite item to destroy.

Are you wondering how I might have acquired all this knowledge? Did I neglect to mention that we have a puppy in residence right this very minute? We do and he is awful, let me tell you! He is already bigger than me and I have heard tell that I am a fine specimen of a large feline. One lady even mentioned that I might be as big as a bobcat. I do not know this cat called Bob, but he must be pretty big.

This puppy called Smoke has huge feet, so that when he jumps up on Gramma he leaves a big muddy stain. This does not bode well for his future. He has already been banned from the inside. He chewed up Gramma's favorite shoes!! Two pair of her comfy Dawgs that she likes to roam around the grounds in. He terrorizes Cujo and Wall-E. They have taken to going out the front door to take care of business. Toni Louise is not likely to give in to him. She has bitten him a couple of times.

Funny thing is, it doesn't seem to bother him. Gramma calls him Goofy and Dumbledorf and all sorts of silly names. His antics have gotten him into lots of trouble and his latest stunt may just get him removed from our lives entirely ....... hope runs deep. He decided that when Gramma hung out laundry to pull things off the line. This did not sit too well with Gramma. I heard her ask him if he thought she was playing tug of war with him. I have no idea what she was thinking. It was like she suggested this to him. I noticed that she used the clothes dryer today. It was sunny. This sounds like surrender to me, unless she is planning a new attack against this puppy monster that involves a fence or maybe chains.

Don't worry about me, Maya, I can take care of myself with the demon dog. Remember, I have all my claws and my teeth! I am not afraid to use them, already have, as a matter of fact. That animal will not get the best of me, no matter how big he gets! I hope you find this information useful and that you share it with your sisters. I hope to communicate with you again soon in the near future --- I will give you updates on this puppy as he grows bigger.

Yours Truly,
Martha, The Boy Cat