Thursday, July 2, 2015

Who Needs Puppies?

Hi, Maya,

Martha, The Boy Cat here. I have not written a post in such a long time, I fear I may have forgotten how. Wall-E is the writer around here. Let me assure you, he never misses a chance to remind us all of the fact that he wrote a book.

I can spin a tale or two myself, though. Last week I heard Gramma telling Miss Martha (whose name I share) about a call from your sisters. As I recall, they wanted Gramma to convince your mom to let them have a puppy. Gramma seemed to think they were adorable, but admitted to Miss Martha that she would never interfere with the decisions of the parents of her grandchildren.

After much thought, I decided to write a letter to you, since you would appear to be the most sensible of the three sisters. After all you did not participate in the shenanigans of your two younger siblings. Gramma tells me that yours is a cat household. This sounds like a very good idea to me. I am the lone feline here. I will admit, though, that being the only one has it's advantages.

So, I decided to present to you an argument for NOT getting the aforementioned puppy. Have you any idea how bothersome they can be? I have heard all about puppy breath and dreamy eyes, but do they bother to tell you how much a puppy can poop? Not to mention the puddles on the floor.

Of course when they are sleeping, everything is great. Their sweet limp bodies draped over whatever they fell asleep on. But, about the time that sweet puppy breath is history, they start jumping on everyone and their claws dig into your skin. If that isn't bad enough, they start to chew on everything. Shoes seem to be the favorite item to destroy.

Are you wondering how I might have acquired all this knowledge? Did I neglect to mention that we have a puppy in residence right this very minute? We do and he is awful, let me tell you! He is already bigger than me and I have heard tell that I am a fine specimen of a large feline. One lady even mentioned that I might be as big as a bobcat. I do not know this cat called Bob, but he must be pretty big.

This puppy called Smoke has huge feet, so that when he jumps up on Gramma he leaves a big muddy stain. This does not bode well for his future. He has already been banned from the inside. He chewed up Gramma's favorite shoes!! Two pair of her comfy Dawgs that she likes to roam around the grounds in. He terrorizes Cujo and Wall-E. They have taken to going out the front door to take care of business. Toni Louise is not likely to give in to him. She has bitten him a couple of times.

Funny thing is, it doesn't seem to bother him. Gramma calls him Goofy and Dumbledorf and all sorts of silly names. His antics have gotten him into lots of trouble and his latest stunt may just get him removed from our lives entirely ....... hope runs deep. He decided that when Gramma hung out laundry to pull things off the line. This did not sit too well with Gramma. I heard her ask him if he thought she was playing tug of war with him. I have no idea what she was thinking. It was like she suggested this to him. I noticed that she used the clothes dryer today. It was sunny. This sounds like surrender to me, unless she is planning a new attack against this puppy monster that involves a fence or maybe chains.

Don't worry about me, Maya, I can take care of myself with the demon dog. Remember, I have all my claws and my teeth! I am not afraid to use them, already have, as a matter of fact. That animal will not get the best of me, no matter how big he gets! I hope you find this information useful and that you share it with your sisters. I hope to communicate with you again soon in the near future --- I will give you updates on this puppy as he grows bigger.

Yours Truly,
Martha, The Boy Cat

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